Book With a Baby in a Bathroom on the Cover Love
Licha, thank you so much for introducing this fiddling jewel to me.
A-MAZING!
So, I gathered 3 of my kids (ages vii, 10, & 12) effectually last night, and told them I wanted to get their stance on a book. (view spoiler)[Would accept loved to get the 15 year old's opinion, but he was busy sleeping off the previous nighttime'southward video game marathon. (hibernate spoiler)] Y'all can imagine their excitement when I pulled out a infant book titled Dearest You Forever. The room was practically
Licha, thanks then much for introducing this piddling gem to me.
A-MAZING!
So, I gathered 3 of my kids (ages seven, 10, & 12) around last dark, and told them I wanted to become their stance on a book. (view spoiler)[Would have loved to become the xv yr old's opinion, but he was busy sleeping off the previous night's video game marathon. (hide spoiler)] You can imagine their excitement when I pulled out a baby volume titled Honey You Forever. The room was practically buzzing with anticipation (<---not even a little bit).
The embrace looks totally innocuous.
Which makes what's within and so fucking freaktastic!
So the story opens with this mom rocking her baby and singing this little song...
I'll love you forever.
I'll similar you for e'er,
As long equally I'g living
my babe you'll be.
My seven year old daughter is at present snuggling in for what she thinks volition be a good story. My 10 year old daughter says Awww, and cuddles in on the other side. My 12 year old son raises an eyebrow, only all the same tucks his anxiety nether him, and settles in on the burrow.
The side by side page is the child dumping shit in the toilet, and making a general mess while his mother says, This child is driving me CRAZY!
Nosotros could each relate to that scene in our own way.
Considering children are horrible. And messy.
Dawwww.
Ok. That commencement bit lulled usa into a simulated sense of security because I turned the folio and...
JUMP SCARE!
Every 1 of my kids jolted at this picture.
The 10 year old: *scream/bleat* Oh my God! Like, what's she doing?!
Only, y'all have to imagine that she sounds like a Valley Girl with a southern accent. Because she does, and information technology makes everything she says 10x more than hilarious.
This woman scuttled across the kid'due south floor in one case he was asleep, eyeballed him all weird similar, then picked him upwardly, rocked him, and sang her freaky song!
Bowwow, nobody picks up an already-sleeping baby. You check to make certain they're still breathing, thank your lucky fucking stars that y'all have a few hours to yourself, and so quietly back the hell out of the room. What yous don't practice is introduce noise and motion. E'er.
Up next, the male child is 9 years one-time!
He's up to all sorts of nine yr sometime shenanigans...like non wanting to take a bath...and he'southward notwithstanding driving his mom crazy. Like children do.
Just every night, mom nevertheless crawls across his flooring and looks up over the side of his bed to see if he'southward really asleep. And, if he is, she rocks him and sings the song.
The question of Why the fuck is she CRAWLING across his floor?! was a popular ane in our business firm. Fifty-fifty my 7 year old knew that wasn't normal. My son was really more concerned with why she felt the need to rock him without his knowing nigh it...
On the side by side page, her son has become some sort of teenage Elvis impersonator.
Because. Well, because that's what all the cool kids are doing these days.
And while he might exist a rascally immature lad, his mamma still crawls into his room to stone him in her arms and croon to him each nighttime.
This movie caused yet another round of Ugh! Jeez! and What the...?! out of all of u.s.. I hateful, look at information technology!
LOOK. AT. Information technology.
Never. Never have I crawled on my belly similar a soldier into my teenage son's room. And never have I attempted to pick up his massive frame and rock him on my lap. Asleep or not! First, because he's bigger than I am and he'd shell my legs. 2nd, I can't even imagine the upper torso forcefulness that sort of thing would crave. Tertiary, and I feel most importantly, I'g not a creeper.
Now, that's not to say I'k not appreciating. I hug him. Lots!(view spoiler)[ <--mostly against his will b/c he's a teenager. (hibernate spoiler)]
Only not while he'due south unconscious.
Well, on the next page this poor boy finally escapes.
He grows up and moves across town.
I swear, there was an aural sigh of relief from my son when we got to this page. You could meet that he was actively rooting for this guy to go away from Mother Bates. My 7 year erstwhile had the scrunchy face look going on because she could tell something was non quite right with this woman, but she doesn't accept enough life feel all the same to pinpoint what it is. Just my 10 year old really pegged it when she said, Ha! What'south she gonna practice...sneak across town to go him? And we all laughed!
Nervously.
Spoiler Alert!
Beyond Town was apparently NOT far plenty away!
This crazy chick bungied a freaking ladder to the summit of her car, and drove to his new place...at nighttime.
Sweet baby Jesus, save us!
If all the lights in her son'southward firm were out, she opened his sleeping room window, crawled across the floor, and looked up over the side of his bed.
I felt muddied merely reading that out loud. *shudder*
If that great large human being was actually asleep she picked him up and rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.
Uuuuuuuugh!
And while she rocked him she sang:
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
Equally long as I'm living
my babe you'll be.
The kids are all coming off the burrow, gesturing wildly at the motion-picture show, and merely freaking the fuck out in full general, at this point. This adult female has crossed the line BIG Fourth dimension.
And even the seven twelvemonth old knew information technology.
But wait! In that location'south more than!
On the next page, the old lady is...quondam.
She calls her son and says:
Yous'd better come up see me because I'thousand very former and ill.
About damn time, I say.
Anyhow, when her son gets to her door, this lunatic starts in with her agonizing chant.
I'll love y'all forever,
I'll similar yous for always... <--My son inserts a gagging sound here considering she can't terminate due to being too old and sick.
My children and I cackle. Loudly.
Aw, merely don't worry, her son picks her up (instead of calling 911) and does his own rendition of the nightmarish vocal.
I'll honey you forever,
I'll like you lot for always,
As long as I'm living
my Mommy y'all'll be.
"OH MY GOD! He was awake every fourth dimension she did that!"
This was my 12 yr old boy. He was (understandably) freaked out that her son knew the words to this frightening little ditty since the volume specifically stated that Mommy made sure he was comatose each fourth dimension she crept into his room to sing it. So, not only was the mom a lunatic, but the son was obviously cool with it. <--this was particularly worrisome to him.
In his mind, no (normal) boy would find this sort of behavior endearing.
And, I gotta concur with him.
This shit might have flown up till he was 9, but beyond that? No.
And specially not a teenage boy.
Here's how that scenario would have gone down in real-life:
Mom: *tiptoe...tiptoe*
Son: Moooooom! Christ! Become out!
Mom: *slinks back out*
Son: *resumes trying to get around parental porn block on tablet*
Ok, ok. Last page! Over again, yous're sorta lulled into thinking that it'due south over because the old woman is (presumably) dead.
But, no.
The cycle continues.
Oh, yes. Because, evidently, some woman was chill with this freaky quondam wide randomly sneaking into her home and cuddling with her husband.
She was cool enough with it that she let this mamma's male child get her pregnant.
So, now he's gonna practice this trip the light fantastic with his daughter.
I'll beloved yous forever...
*slams book shut, runs screaming from room*
Alright, now in this book's defense (and all the people who dear it!), it'due south most certainly not meant to be taken literally. It's meant to show how long a parent's honey lasts. No matter what they do, no matter how sometime they go, your children will always be your babies. And, I admit, information technology'due south hard to watch mine grow up and not need me equally much anymore.
Will they notwithstanding honey me in one case I'k not an integral part of their everyday lives? What happens when it'south not important that I sign their report cards, take them to friend's houses, and cook them dinner? What nigh once they're ready to move out? Will I be fix for it?!
Hell no.
But at to the lowest degree now I know I tin threaten to strap a ladder to the acme of my car and pay them a midnight visit if they don't routinely call me.
Would I ever really do that? Probably not.
Still, they owe me and I amend hear from them on the regular.
Why, y'all ask?
Because this was our actual Christmas card one year.
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Source: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/310259.Love_You_Forever
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